Nickel Ranttm:
Brain Worms 

by Edgar J. Steele

January 14, 2007

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Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

  --- Alice in Wonderland,
Lewis Carroll (1865)

My name is Edgar J. Steele.  This is a Nickel Rant.

I have a headache.  It won't go away. 

Brain worms.  That's what I think it must be.  Brain worms. 

I can feel them in there now, wriggling ... writhing - eating away at what little is left of my reasoning capability.

Why else, do you suppose it is, that I seem to think so differently from the vast majority of Americans?  There must be a rational explanation, after all. 

Of course, if I have brain worms and my ability to be rational has been compromised, how would I ever know what is or is not rational?  Or, as Ogden Nash once put it, ever so succinctly:

See the happy moron,
He doesn't give a damn.
I wish I were a moron.
My God - perhaps I am!

Cows ... in Boston?

Maybe I'm like Denny Crane, the character on TV's Boston Legal played so marvelously by William Shatner.  As Crane, Shatner claims to have Mad Cow disease, so as to excuse his incredibly politically-incorrect and sometimes totally whacked-out statements and behavior.  Does Crane really believe he has Mad Cow disease or is it just a ploy?  Does he really have it, do you suppose?  Shatner's character is wonderfully vague about it all.

Like pretending to be drunker (or more stoned) than you really are, then the next morning wondering whether or not you really were, I suspect the Crane character honestly doesn't know.  Kind of like Ogden Nash's moron.  Or me and my brain worms.

Now, don't go thinking I'm making all this up.  Brain worms are real.  They exist.  Even the Snopes.com page on brain worms, while disputing that a couple of undoctored photographs display brain worms, avoids deciding if brain worms exist.  Maybe the Snopes people have brain worms, too.  Or Mad Cow disease.  Or both.  How would they ever know?

Food for Thought or Thought for Food?

Do you suppose that Mad Cow disease is, in fact, caused by brain worms? 

Late at night, when the house is really quiet and I can't seem to get to sleep, I think that I can hear them whispering to one another as they busily munch away at what is left of my ability to reason.  Brain worms.  That's when I find it is all that I can do to keep from getting out the hacksaw in order to learn the truth, once and for all. 

Do you suppose that brain worms are what George W. Bush really hears when he claims that God speaks to him and tells him to kill Arabs?  That could explain a lot, you know.  George Bush just might be in an advanced stage of Mad Cow disease, with his skull literally crawling with creepy little critters.  That might explain his much-reported temper tantrums, not to mention Bush's inability to speak above a sixth-grade level.  Brain worms.  They're everywhere, I tell you!

Politically-Correct Political Incorrectness

WorldNetDaily thinks so.  (It's on the Internet, after all, so it must be true.)  WorldNetDaily (WND to its intimates) is an Internet news portal that I rarely frequent now that it has gone over to The Dark Side.  Just like comedian Bill Maher, WND tries to come off as politically-incorrect even though it supports the Zionist agenda right down the line.  Now I'll get another nasty email from Joe Farah, WND's publisher, I suppose. 

It's been a while, but Joe and I used to have some spirited exchanges.  Maybe Joe has brain worms, come to think of it.  If so, then I can understand how he managed to throw his lot in with America's fundamentalist-dispensationalist whackos.  For some reason, I still like Joe Farah, but I have to admit that he seems more like Denny Crane all the time.  But, then, maybe that is precisely why I still like him.

"The condition is very rare in Muslim countries where eating pork is forbidden," reports WND about brain worms in an increasingly-rare moment when it is not busy supporting America's current criminal regime and attributing everything wrong with the world today to things Arab. 

Don't get me wrong.  WND does good work, too.  For instance, this very article reporting on brain worms is yet another in a long series of articles bemoaning the avalanche of illegal immigrants now smothering Southwestern America with its rubble.

So ... Arabs don't have brain worms?  Hmmmmm.  Y'know, that suggests why Arab and Iranian Muslims revere Jesus Christ, yet must defend themselves and their societies against the strangest sort of Christians:  American Rapture Freaks like George W. Bush, who want to exterminate all Arabs and Iranians.  Did you know that Iranians predominantly are Aryan, with a surprising number of them also being devout Christians?

The same American Rapture Bunnies mentioned previously, fundamentalist dispensationalist whack jobs all, incredibly enough, universally support Godless Israel, the vast majority of whose people readily admit to being atheists.  Despite the Christian support that keeps them alive, Israelis, together with their mostly-atheistic Jewish brethren in America, do everything they can to extinguish Christianity throughout the world!  Go figure! 

I'll bet you also didn't know that the portion of southern Lebanon that underwent the greatest destruction by Israeli forces in their recent genocidal frenzy was almost exclusively Christian.

Truly, life is stranger than fiction.  I would just laugh out loud at the outrageous irony of it all if those lunatics didn't demand that you and I pay for it, with both our money and our blood (my children's blood, in my case, who are expected to die in some squalid Arab hellhole for the greater glory of Israeli Middle-Eastern hegemony).

Brain Worms in Wonderland

Am I the only one to whom the foregoing scenario seems straight out of Alice in Wonderland?  If only it were literary giant Charles Dodgson (you might better recall Dodgson by his pseudonym, Lewis Carroll) leading us Through the Looking Glass this time, instead of a deranged megalomaniac like that little dictator from Texas! 

I know it seems off subject, but did you know that Charlie Chaplin, the Communist Jewish (but I repeat myself) comedian of a century ago who played an inept Hitler lookalike in the movie The Great Dictator, actually lost out to two other fellows when he surreptitiously entered a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest?  Now, that might strike you as being particularly odd, but I'll bet it looked a lot like George Bush trying to seem Presidential.

Mentioning Lewis Carroll's masterpiece of political commentary in the same breath as Chaplin's political burlesque may be akin to mixing metaphors, but that's the very sort of odd connection that might result from brain worms tunneling through one's gray matter.  Modern theoretical physicists posit the same sort of thing, you know:  that celestial wormholes might well link otherwise distant and disconnected regions of space.

All this talk of mixing causes me to consider mixing a drink.  Maybe that will make my headache go away ... or, at least, make it so that I don't care about America anymore.  Just like most of my countrymen seem not to care. 

Brain worms.  Virtually all Americans must have them.  It's the only possible explanation, you know.

My name is Edgar J. Steele.  Thanks for listening.  Please visit my web site, www.ConspiracyPenPal.com, for other messages just like this one.


Copyright 2007, Edgar J. Steele

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