Plan 7 From Outer Space

by Edgar J. Steele

September 29, 2002

"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future."
      ---Criswell, Intro to "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (1958),
                       written, produced and directed by Ed Wood

President Bush received a good deal of condemnation a few months ago when America's seven-nation nuclear hit list was leaked via a secret Pentagon report. 

It was easy to see why China, Russia, Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Syria and Libya joined together in denouncing the secret Pentagon document, "Nuclear Posture Review," as warmongering "lunacy," inasmuch as they were the seven nations specifically targeted by the current administration.  In retaliation for "surprising military developments," was the report's justification for use of such weapons by the world's sole remaining superpower.

This was the point at which even Great Britain decided to stand apart from America, you may recall.  "The lunatics have taken over the White House," said Labour MP Alice Mahon at the time.  The report was released as part of an apparent campaign to get England in line with the US for its upcoming invasion of Iraq.

But for this leaden trial balloon, America's War Against Terrorism likely already would be mopping up the last bits of resistance in the outlying neighborhoods of Baghdad.  

Time runs short.  With the November elections all but upon us, Bush must push ahead now or risk losing ground in both federal and state legislatures.  War will unite us again, says the script, behind our fearless and feckless leader.

Who writes this stuff?  Did they exhume Ed Wood and install him in that cubbyhole made famous by Monica?  Some of the things coming out of Bush's mouth make this a very real possibility.

Ed Wood was the wannabe Hollywood director who cranked out so many appallingly-bad movies in the fifties and sixties.  The worst of the lot, by popular acclaim:  "Plan 9 From Outer Space," cobbled together from stock footage and shots of Bela Lugosi done just prior to his death and starring Wood's friends and girlfriend.  Plan 9 unofficially has been labeled the worst movie ever made (by the worst film director who lived).

Wood was the original low-budget filmmaker, who all but let the resources available to him write the scripts for his epics.

Plan 9 contemplated the takeover of Earth by aliens who regenerated the dead to do their dirty work.  The aliens sought to wipe out humanity before it discovered the ultimate weapon, having already proven ourselves incapable of behaving with nuclear weapons.  Only clean living and the American Way saved the day, of course.

Imagine Ed Wood in charge of a budget like that for "Titanic" or some other blockbuster.  That's the Hollywood equivalent of installing Bush as President.  

Am I the only one who still wonders just where in the world Bush came from, by the way, back before the last Presidential primaries?

Imagine Bush as Ed Wood writ large, but for real!  Even the genius behind "Dr. Strangelove" could not have grasped the enormity of the tragicomedy being written in the sands of the Middle East today.

Is this why our fathers fought World War II?  Is this why my generation gave so much in the blood-drenched jungles of Southeast Asia?  So that Bush could install his version of democracy-by-media-created-polling on the rest of the planet?

In fairness, Bush has little to do with it.  This is the implementation of the New World Order, of course.  The only surprise is that America is the one doing it, when we always imagined that communism would be the boogeyman.

Oh, there is another surprise.  That so many Americans apparently support this so-called "war."  Of course, I hardly ever encounter anybody in person willing to say they support it.  Maybe it's the circles in which I travel.  You don't think the media could be lying to us or that the poll numbers are simply being made you?

Just as a couple of earthmen are about to be taken aboard the mother ship in Plan 9, one wonders aloud, "Wow...boy, how could anything that big hide for so long a time?"  The same might be asked about the NWO, only just now heaving into view.  Ed Wood's response likely would be the following actual dialogue, taken from his classic "Plan 9 From Outer Space":  (click here or paste into your browser and turn up your speakers) - 


Well, maybe not quite everybody.  After all, you and I have figured it out - and there are a few others, I know for a fact.


"I didn't say it would be easy.  I just said it would be the truth."
            - Morpheus

Copyright © Edgar J. Steele, 2002

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